There is absolutely too much for me to say, as usual. I have spent the past 10 days in Calgary with my family, and it has been both wonderful and exhausting! It is always good for me to come here and remember who I am and where I come from, as sometimes these things begin to slip away from me over time. The rain outside makes me feel so introspective, and yet I am struggling with where I should begin.
Leaving behind those who have been holding me back has set me free in such a way that I am truly able to be myself for the first time in so very long. Being with my blood kin has amplified this a lot for me. It reminds me of how far I have come, and guides me in the direction I want to go. Despite shortcomings and drama between certain members of my family (which also reminds me of where not to go), I have not let my spirit become dampened for long. They will have their quabbles, and even being trapped in the middle, I will not let the negativity touch my inner core. It is their struggle, not mine. I have to remember that we are all full grown adults now, and their problems are not my problems. I must trust them enough to know that they can handle these things on their own. There is no need for me to be a mediator and cause myself more grief than necessary. That's all the thought that I am willing to put into that right now.
As for me, I have never felt so damn good about myself! I hardly recognize myself in the mirror, my smile has become radiant, the years are melting off of me, and I feel youthful and vibrant while still carrying the wisdom of my almost 30 years along with me. A great balance, I think. Although I am sure that my wisdom hides in the corner when I think about a certain someone, as I am plunging into this new found (unexpected and unplanned) romance with hopeless abandon and very little actual reasoning. I am drawn to him in such a way that no matter how reason and wisdom may scream at me from their little hiding places, my heart still surges forward with the wild determination of a forest fire. His bright airy brilliance fans the flames of my heart into a glorious bonfire that has no mercy for the weak or the cautious. As much as my fear of being hurt or wasting my life away may haunt me, it is so very daunted by the feeling of absolute connectivity and passion. I simply can not, or do not want, to resist. Resistance is futile! Those almond shaped gorgeous blue eyes have such a hold on me, that I refuse to look away. I feel as though I want to do everything there is to do in this world, with him. I want to go everywhere, with him. I want to see everything, with him. I have it bad, my friends.
And with that, I will depart for the time being, as my coffee and death sticks call to me. So much love for those who actually keep up with reading my posts, and I wish you were here with me to enjoy a coffee and a long lovely discussion about everything there ever was to discuss. You know who you are! I love you so much!
Here is where I am, and I am where it's at.
- Getting in touch with my roots and tending to my branches.