Mama Cass

Here is where I am, and I am where it's at.

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A Quiet Raining Tuesday Morning...
  It's dark in my apartment, with the curtains drawn, and the sky outside is grey... I am being very quiet so as to avoid waking up my love, my man. I am feeling very introspective this morning in the absence of light and the silence.

  It has been a wild ride these past 11 months. Many lessons have been learned, there has been joy, reckless abandon, pain, heartache, and so very many revelations. Today, I feel as though everything is as it is meant to be. I feel like things have come around full circle and taught me a great deal about my past, which is encouraging my present and creating my future. There have been times without hope, and there have been times of total faith and love that lift me up to places I have never been before. I am currently expecting my second child, which regardless of any outside events or situations, is an incredible blessing. I have a wonderful man who somehow is able to endure the absolute madness and wild fire of my heart and mind. It has been so very volatile between us, but also so very enlightening and enriching. I could hardly ask for more, as I now feel that this is everything that I needed and wanted for myself and my life. The all consuming fire that fuels our desire and the winds of change that fan the flames even higher, are engulfing everything old and dead things that no longer serve us... leading us forward to our destiny of new growth and abundance that we have never known.

  What else really needs to be said? I know that it could still go in any direction at any time, at this point, as wild fires tend to do. It is unpredictable, raw, and an unstoppable force of nature. Where I once would have felt a spark within my heart for a love that I longed for, there is a raging bonfire that has no mercy for the weak, slow, or old. It ignites every part of me with an all consuming love, or at times, total rage! It is however, something worth fighting for, and I will continue to do so with all of the reckless abandon and endless love that created it in the first place.

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I love your ability to own all the pieces of the puzzle that is life, that is you. Knowing that it's all unknown but grabbing the moment and living it NOW! You and my kidlet, the same in your fiery nature, making all the things happen. Inspiring!

Here's to living and imperfection and crazy, just-do-it-ness!

Now if only I could somehow stay in that head space... or if things could somehow continue to be as they were for that one good week. The confusion and frustration has now reared it's ugly head again, and I just feel lost. Stupid roller coaster of life.

Life surely is ebbs and flows. That, and we'll always have more chances to learn old lessons. I'm proud of you, grrrly. Both you and the kidlet have this way of grabbing life wholeheartedly and fcking living! Thanks for being such a guru <3

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