Mama Cass

Here is where I am, and I am where it's at.

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The Double-edged Blade.
  I have convinced myself to keep trying with you... but I wonder, what are you trying to do? Why, despite our firey connection in the bedroom, do I feel as though we will never fit in any other aspect of our lives? Our priorities, values, and goals are so very different... Is it then possible for us to move forward together? If so, where exactly are we moving forward to? What does "trying" mean to you? You apologize over and over, and yet nothing changes. Everything remains the same. Here I am, putting my best effort in, setting my worries and fears aside, and there you are continuing on in the exact same fashion that caused me to want to push you away in the first place. How infuriating and frustrating... It takes both of us "trying" for this to evolve into something that is lasting and progressive. Somehow I feel that you will never be up to the challenge. Perhaps you just have no ability to move past these things, being so lost in your own head, your past, and your dedication to doing anything and everything for your friends while you constantly just leave me waiting. Or maybe I am just too impatient and a raging perfectionist. I just feel so frustrated all of the time with the way that you behave... the way that you snap at me about things that were never intended to be a personal attack... the way that we can never have an entire night together because you always have to run off and do something for someone else... the way that you sleep most of the time that you spend at my place... the way that you absolutely refuse to take proper care of yourself, and then come here and complain constantly about these problems that you are perpetuating in yourself... the way that you waste fantastic meals that I make, because you fuck your body so hard that you can barely bring yourself to eat... it all aggravates me to no end... What am I to do with you?


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